Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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