God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
