I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
