Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
