Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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