I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
