am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
