i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
