Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
