im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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