new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
