Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
