his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
