hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
