Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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