All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
