Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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