Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
