im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
