Cold hands, warm shart.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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