I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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