my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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