wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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