Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
