singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
