It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
