Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
