i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
