just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
