what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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