can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize