turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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