She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
