Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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