Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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