why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
