i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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