mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
