Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
