I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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