i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
