everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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