Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
