yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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