at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
