Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
