I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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