You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I understand Curling. That high.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
