Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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