I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
