you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
