omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
