i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
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I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
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What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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