I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
