They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
