My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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