New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
