I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Sober January is a disaster.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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