I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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