dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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