You really coming over, don't trick.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
