you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
