Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
