never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
