Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
