i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
