It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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