bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
