FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
