I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
