I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
