I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
