Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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