please come you make the beer taste better
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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