What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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