I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize