you guys were way drunker than both of me
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think your dad took our porno
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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