and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
