did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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