Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
