did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
