so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
