So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
