Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
it's like heaven, but drunker
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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