he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize