life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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