I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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