none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just come out here and I will go home with you...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
