I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
