dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
