Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
