Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
