just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
